“She’s too chubby to be giving weight loss advice”
This is the gist of body shaming comments that were said for this photo. And to be honest, I think that all Personal Trainers in general have a somewhat fear that they need to look a certain way to be taken seriously (regardless of education & experience) so reading that definitely stung…
There was a thread of comments in a post I did with this photo, between two women body shaming me which turned into a conversation of “thin is more glorified in society than fit, so I don’t want to be fit” and then eventually to one of them saying “eating disorders are healthy because they help people become thin”. As soon as I read that, I deleted and blocked those women. Because it’s one thing to be attacking me but to be promoting eating disorders on my page (that’s focused on overall health and fitness balance), is NOT ok! And I don’t know who could have read that and maybe took it seriously…
I (of course) went on these women’s pages and saw that they didn’t follow me (meaning they were “trolling”) and that they were quite thin. And I’m not trying to body shame them for being thin, but recognizing that they have different lifestyles and ideals from me was the first step for me to try to work through why I didn’t need to be SO affected by their comments!
I can admit that maybe these comments aren’t that bad (and part of me feels silly to be even talking about this because I’ve seen other comments not directed towards me that are much worse) but the fact that I was questioning my overall value because of a comment on my body made me REALLY stop and think how disgusting and even debilitating body shaming can be… which is why I want to talk about how we can handle and move forward in a positive way from BOTH internal and external body shame.
Because I think to deal with external body shame, we first have to deal with it internally.
Which to be honest, I have fought through SO MUCH internal body shame over the past few years that I think I was surprised that I was so affected by these women’s comments…which actually kind of brings me full circle because in 2016 I was the one who thought that “thin”/smallest was best, which is a mindset I have worked hard to disprove with my clients and also through my content. And this is the mindset these women are in currently.
See, in 2016, I drastically lost 40 lbs of weight through extreme dieting and over exercising. I thought my worth was in this perception of being “clean” and “hard core” and “thin”…but then I was so self conscious about my body and in guilt all of the time because I binging. I remember thinking that weight loss was what drove body confidence, but it doesn’t. And I talk more about that here.
But ultimately I learned that nourishing and strengthening my body allowed me to feel good and strong which lead to WAY more body confidence than when I was trying to starve and overwork myself. Learning this changed EVERYTHING for me in becoming lean without extremes and that I could actually eat the foods I love without guilt and while still being fit! Which is EXACTLY what I talk about in the the post with the picture above! LOL
I mention in the post that “I could probably be more “shredded” if I cared, but I love my lifestyle of balanced nutrition, strength training 4 days a week, spending time w/ my loved ones, & also giving a lot of my energy to my clients to be their most healthy/fit/balanced❤️💪” and you CAN be fit with cellulite and stretch marks and that the spectrum of “fit” comes down more to habits while being in a healthy BF% and BMI range vs meeting a certain ideal… which of course we will NEVER meet everyone’s ideal which is why we have to focus on feeling good for ourselves, in ourselves<3
So that’s my kind of rant on what happened but I want to give some practical advice on how we can all deal with any internal or external body shamers because we deserve to move past these types of negative mindsets so that our bodies can thrive and our lives can shine!
So here’s 3 quick mantras/reminders for us to remember when we feel challenged by body shame:
1) I am more than my body. My true friends and family do not love me for my body because they know my worth is deeper than my appearance.
2) My body image is controlled by thoughts vs reality. Negative thoughts don’t make something real. We can see something that maybe doesn’t fit society’s “ideal” of beauty and make that question our self worth, but the truth is our body image should come from the way we are treating our bodies. Meaning we can feel good, healthy, and lean (regardless of how we look/what we weigh) when we are focusing on self care of making sure we’re eating balanced and moving in ways we enjoy! Our lowest weight isn’t probably our healthiest weight. (I’ve gained 10 lbs since my lowest weight but I feel SO much more body confident because I can truly love, nourish, and respect my body at this weight vs when I felt weak and deprived.)
3) Others/Society’s Standards of Beauty do not matter and they often reflect other’s own insecurities. This is easier said than believed but I have been saying it to myself often and it helps. And also, I think just recognizing that there are people with hate or hurt in their hearts and them showing that, makes them look bad…not you. Again, easier said than believe but something I’ve been telling myself.
Ultimately though, for me getting through internal and external body shame has come down to me doing A LOT OF WORK internally and with God to have body peace, grace, and acceptance. I can recognize that I am made by Him and He does not make mistakes. And I can be grateful for this test to bring me back to Him to share His powerful love that can conquer ALL of our insecurities and doubts. We are worthy and enough.
And I feel so incredibly blessed to know that is it is only through my confidence WITH HIM that I feel like I can help women become confident and balanced in themselves <33 Because even though there is hatred or certain world views in others hearts that can still sting, God will ALWAYS tell us we’re worthy <33
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*This post was created by Ashley Cates who is not a Registered Dietician or a Medical Professional, nothing said should be taken as medical advice or replace any advice given by a Physician. This information does not in any way intend to diagnose or treat any health condition/disorder. The information provided is based on Ashley’s education and experience.